Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
