Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
