What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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