At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
