God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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