4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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