Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
