How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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