she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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