And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
