I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
