I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Randomize
