well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
