Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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