Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize