I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
