using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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