I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
