it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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