dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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