I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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