I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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