She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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