I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
