I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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