dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
