Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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