They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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