Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I still have a little drunk in my system
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
