Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.

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  (401): Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars. http://tfl.nu/q4kd
  Replies (29) Good night (1558) Bad night (528)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.

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  (814): Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn. http://tfl.nu/vfme
  Replies (18) Good night (690) Bad night (3652)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.

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  (505): Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops. http://tfl.nu/78kv
  Replies (75) Good night (975) Bad night (6568)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.

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  (419): Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them. http://tfl.nu/vhc8
  Replies (42) Good night (6025) Bad night (613)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER

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  (508): WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER http://tfl.nu/4rej
  Replies (12) Good night (752) Bad night (4438)
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  (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

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  (516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub
  Replies (12) Good night (7924) Bad night (1117)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.

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  (317): Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor. http://tfl.nu/i4di
  Replies (15) Good night (1034) Bad night (3003)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.

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  (417): She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit. http://tfl.nu/3bxb
  Replies (21) Good night (3878) Bad night (1406)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.

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  (613): Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi. http://tfl.nu/hd9g
  Replies (9) Good night (4188) Bad night (1497)
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  (213): View more from California

  Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.

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  (213): Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics. http://tfl.nu/j3g0
  Replies (5) Good night (1843) Bad night (691)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.

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  (775): Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes. http://tfl.nu/op0y
  Replies (1) Good night (788) Bad night (1215)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.

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  (309): Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate. http://tfl.nu/i08u
  Replies (1) Good night (693) Bad night (468)
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  (925): View more from California

  I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.

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  (925): I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m. http://tfl.nu/avly
  Replies (1) Good night (1006) Bad night (408)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"

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  (403): I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!" http://tfl.nu/cbkk
  Replies (0) Good night (558) Bad night (596)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises

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  (708): Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises http://tfl.nu/4oct
  Replies (1) Good night (714) Bad night (310)

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