Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.

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  (805): Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick. http://tfl.nu/20nm
  Replies (21) Good night (557) Bad night (2984)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple

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  (615): Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple http://tfl.nu/4fv0
  Replies (20) Good night (4971) Bad night (1732)
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  (631): View more from New York

  i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

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  (631): i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/93ik
  Replies (94) Good night (11279) Bad night (996)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town

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  (757): Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town http://tfl.nu/mvuo
  Replies (39) Good night (6885) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.

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  (865): I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is. http://tfl.nu/unb6
  Replies (13) Good night (4965) Bad night (1476)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.

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  (678): He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again. http://tfl.nu/ehlu
  Replies (20) Good night (6256) Bad night (1004)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.

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  (516): Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning. http://tfl.nu/lzds
  Replies (15) Good night (822) Bad night (5397)
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  (626): View more from California

  I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner

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  (626): I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner http://tfl.nu/0q4j
  Replies (4) Good night (3994) Bad night (990)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.

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  (913): He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman. http://tfl.nu/kv33
  Replies (7) Good night (866) Bad night (1665)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair

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  (303): well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair http://tfl.nu/spf3
  Replies (3) Good night (1351) Bad night (649)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...

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  (210): my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me... http://tfl.nu/0ufz
  Replies (5) Good night (1214) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..

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  (843): It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone.. http://tfl.nu/vld6
  Replies (13) Good night (477) Bad night (1549)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD

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  (973): SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD http://tfl.nu/vbpx
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (306)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere

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  (253): First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere http://tfl.nu/66bl
  Replies (0) Good night (708) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye

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  (812): Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye http://tfl.nu/1c9h
  Replies (0) Good night (325) Bad night (493)

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