You work out of a Hotel?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
