How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right