So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.