Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.