hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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