OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
