Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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