quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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