We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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