I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize