that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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