Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize