Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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