i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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