Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
