Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
