Apparently you make a good broom.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
