he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
