You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
