I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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