ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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