watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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