and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
