So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
