Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
