so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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