its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
