After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
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If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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