I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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