chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
