About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
