Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
