my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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