dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
