hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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