K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
