she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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