stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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