I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
