You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize