it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
