Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
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I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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