I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
