We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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