Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
