I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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