you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
