today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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